Today on The Communications Breakdown, I’m going to show you how to turn a long email into a short email–because short emails are always best.

Short emails are easier to skim on mobile devices, which is where many people end up reading their email, and they’re more likely to get the attention of your audience. And when you get the attention of your audience, you’re much more likely to convince them to do what you want them to do.

In this week’s video, we want people to log in to their benefits portal and start using a new financial wellness tool. And we want them to do that because we want them to be happier and way less stressed out.

Because we’re caring people here in HR.

Now in case you want to follow along, I’m including the drafts of the original email and the edited version.

And if you want to get even more information on how to craft a compelling, employee-facing message, let me point you to a post written by Jellyvision CMO Bob Armour: Open Enrollment Marketing Crash Course – Tip #2 – How to Create Messaging That Sticks.

New to The Communications Breakdown? That’s Ok! Check out the first episode, Number One with a Bullet, and get caught up.