Julian just kinda showed up one day and nobody had the heart to ask him to leave. We’re almost certain he’s human, and not a mimic slime mold. Very nearly 100% certain.
During the background check a few men in black suits showed up with very official documents that made it very clear that Julian is a Human Being who was conceived in a Bronx apartment or a Manhattan project or some place in New York by a human woman. Julian spent his formative years in and around the Lawrence Livermore Labs, and later spent a few years at UCSC doing computer science and not being genetically sequenced by Top Men. Julian has spent a lot of time in research labs surrounded by scientists doing regular human computer science jobs and consuming human levels of coffee and coffee grounds and coffee filters. The men in suits were very clear that Roosevelt, a certified Human, drank a gallon of coffee a day.
Why I like working at Jellyvision:
[*Charming human gurgles*]